Do you have conversation standards?

At the age of forty-five, I’ve come to believe I look for certain things in conversation. I never wrote them down anywhere, nor communicated them. These are unwritten rules. My brother recently sent me How Verbal Abusers Violate Conversational Norms and it got me thinking. When my personal unwritten rules are violated, I get frustrated. Sometimes, I double-down, trying to squeeze the behavior I am looking for out of the other person. “If I can only show them I am right, maybe they’ll admit I have a point and treat me with respect!”

What happen when doubling down doesn’t work?

Is it really fair that I expect people to follow rules I never communicated?

So I wrote then down. At least, it’s a start, so here they are. These are presented as what I expect in conversation, but it is a two-way street. You can expect them of me, and if I do not deliver, challenge me on it. I would hope I would have an open mind (E) listen and be willing to change my position and learn.

Heusser’s Unwritten Rules

A) Reciprocity. If I sit for your 1-hour story with real attention, please sit for mine.

B) Validation. Tell me you understand my struggles, or, alternatively, at least don’t tell me I am mis-perceiving reality and shouldn’t feel that way. Feelings are not bound by facts…